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The cooperative gallery I am a part of moved to larger quarters in a desperate attempt to survive.  Sales were dropping at our old location to the point where we were going to run through our buffer capital and then we would never have a chance to move.

After an extensive search, we found a property closer to the city market and across from a popular restaurant.  Sales have been promising so far, especially for me. 

Last night was the grand opening event and we had quite a crowd.  I had some new clothes to wear and hubby and I planned to go out to dinner afterward.  I had to work the register for an hour and during this time sales were brisk.  Everybody in the cooperative had some part in the event and it was good to see everybody dressed up and working together. 

After my hour was over, hubby and I went out for dinner and we had a nice time despite the fact that I was hurting pretty badly by that point.  It was a very nice evening and hopefully a profitable one for the gallery.

This is the story of my flu episode.  You've been warned.

Last Friday my hubby came home from his job at a college with a bad cough and went straight to bed.  As he often does when he is really sick he moaned and groaned.  Poor boy!  I stayed by him to help him even though I was afraid to catch it.  I had had a flu shot a week ago and I thought I was safe. 

Hubby went to work on Saturday for a special class, then came home and went back to bed with fever and chills again, along with the bad cough.  I did what I could for him, giving him moral support if nothing else.  By Sunday evening he was feeling better, although he coughed for several more days.

Unfortunately, by Sunday evening I was starting to feel it.  My problems were somewhat different, though.  I didn't cough (probably because of my pain meds) and I felt alternately hot and cold.  I also had a bad headache.  That often happens when I get a virus, ever since I had mono that attacked my brain lining in college.  

I started resting and drinking fluids.  I am one of those people who are high-risk for the flu because of my asthma and other medical problems, so I was taking this seriously and helping my body out all I could.  I also took some decongestants which kept me up all night.  I felt alternatively too hot and too cold all night and finally began to sleep the next  morning. 

On Monday during the day I felt tired, but not too bad until evening when I started to feel so icy cold--as if somebody was wiping me down with alcohol.  This was even the parts of me under the covers.  I started to feel really bad around midnight and started vomiting.  After that I was unsteady on my feet, confused,  and my back and neck hurt terribly.

The next day was spent in bed with constant vivid dreams (all anxiety type dreams).  I was freezing cold with no fever, but I was dizzy and weak and everything hurt.  I was so helpless that I couldn't go beyond a few steps.  I had trouble getting my sons to hear me asking for help and at one point I just burst into tears.

That night was absolutely horrible.  I was having chills and nausea and I really wanted to quit. I felt that if I had to go through another long night of chills I was going to die.   Unfortunately, quiting wasn't an option.  My body just had to get through this somehow.  I listened to a meditation piece about listening to your body, so I acknowledged did that and  the anxiety eased some.  Then I started vomiting again. 

The next morning (Wednesday) I woke up feeling not quite so cold.  I was still having twinges of cold, but I was having some normal sleep in between.  I was extremely tired and still had a terrible headache, but I began to feel as if I might survive.  I stayed in bed though.  I have a bad history of getting up and out too soon and getting sick again and I don't want pneumonia again. 

I also realized that I was so depressed because I had been off my antidepressant, so I got my prescription picked up and I'm feeling better psychologically now.

By Thursday afternoon I felt a little like myself and on Thursday evening I spent an hour or so on the computer before crashing again.  As I write, it is Friday afternoon.  I still have a headache and I'm watching out for this chest congestion.  I hope I can avoid a secondary infection, so I am taking things VERY easy.

So far the boys show no sign of infection.  They aren't in a lot of close contact with us and I've reminded my younger son several times to wash his hands after being in contact with me.   

I advise everybody who can to get a swine flu shot along with their regular shot.  This is nasty stuff.  I haven't been this sick in years and years.  If you're young and healthy you might get through it quickly, but it is nothing to fool with.   I intended to get a swine flu shot when they were available, but now I don't have to.  I would much have rather had the shot!

Yesterday marked the end of my little dog's struggles.  His tumor had grown rapidly in the last week and his health was clearly deteriorating, so on Monday morning I took him to the vet and did my sad duty as his owner and protector.  I know he is no longer suffering and that makes me feel good about the decision, but there's a small hole in my heart. 

At least we had an opportunity to prepare ourselves and everybody got a chance to say goodbye. 

I think about others who have much greater personal losses, but I feel what I feel.  The animals are my constant companions through good times and bad.  Daffy and Abby walked me around the block when I could barely make it on my own.  I returned the favor when Daffy couldn't do the stairs by himself.  

I will miss Daffy, but I know that he had a good life with us, and I know that it was time for him to rest.

I've been so busy the last few weeks it feels good to take a day or two to slow down and catch up on the things I enjoy.  Our cooperative gallery is moving locations and although I can't work on painting, etc.  I offered to work at the old gallery to free up those who could.  I ended up working three extra days in a 1 week period.  I'm pretty tired now as a result, but I know that I helped to make a difference.  I'm a little disappointed that others didn't make the same offer, but that's life in a coop, unfortunately.

It's time to get busy organizing the show I help organize and run.  Even though it takes place in May, there are so many things to start on now, including recruiting new artists. 

The muscle relaxants are helping.  They don't seem to make me sleepy unless I'm already tired.  My hubby is worried about how tired I am.  Somehow he never seems to remember that it is part of my disease.  He stays up all hours and takes only brief afternoon rests, so he doesn't understand why I need to sleep so much.  I've learned that if I push myself to stay up my body always fights back, demanding the rest it needs. 

My dog's condition continues to deteriorate.  He has a large visible mass on his chin now.  The doctors aren't ready to give up yet, but I'm not sure how much more I want to put him through.  We're doing our best to make him comfortable and happy. 

Talk about your stream of consciousness writing!  There you have it.   Five minute tour through my brain.

Some miscellaneous updates.

This morning I got up early to take daffy to the vet.  His jaw is very swollen. Apparently the tumor is growing.  He's back on antibiotics and now he has some pain meds to take as well.  His attitude is good an since he started the prednisone he has been peppy again...more like his old self. 

I picked up the items from my display window at the gallery.  Overall the month went well.  I sold several items, which is better than sales have been for me.  No big payday, but enough to keep me going.  We're getting ready to move the gallery to a larger, and we hope much more traveled space.

Tomorrow I will be going to my husbands office picnic.  I don't really want to go, but he has several new colleagues and I need to go meet them and their families and play nice wife.  I wouldn't mind going normally, but I have had to go out and do something every day this week except Wed.  Next week looks the same.  Oh well.

I saw my pain doctor yesterday and I requested a muscle relaxer to try.  He has been suggesting massage for my tight muscles, but that is very expensive and wouldn't help for very long.  So far the muscle relaxer is working very well.  I took one last night when my neck was in knots and in an hour I felt much better.  The same thing happened this morning when my back was very tight. 

I got the idea to ask about a muscle relaxer from an article my hubby showed me about pain management.

I have been reading a lot.  I finish a book every day or two.  It helps pass the time when I can't work, but sometimes it makes my hand and arm hurt to hold the book.  Whine, whine, whine.  Authors I've been reading:  Sherrilyn Kenyon, Laurell K. Hamilton, Brenda Joyce, and Christine Feehan.  I read mostly library books although I picked up a couple of paperbacks and publishers closeouts at the bookstore the other day.  Without a good library, reading is an expensive habit.  I've also bought some e-books.  I like that idea.   Nothing to fill up your bookshelves with.  I can read them on my phone.
 

A couple of weeks ago my oldest dog, Daffy, had an abscess in his mouth, so we took him to the emergency vet.  He cleaned the area and x-rayed.  He found a mass in Daffy's jaw and suggested we follow up with our regular vet after the infection was treated with antibiotics.  Daffy seemed to feel a little better, but was tired and clingy, which is unusual for him.

We had Daffy's teeth cleaned and the doctor did a biopsy of the mass in his jaw.  After the teeth cleaning, Daffy was listless and clingy, so we took him back to the vet to get the results of the biopsy and to find out what to do about Daffy.
Unfortunately, the mass in his jaw is squamous cell carcinoma. 

Daffy is quite an old dog.  He was found as a stray, kept for a few months by the people that found him, then turned in to the shelter where I volunteer.  I had just lost a small dog so I adopted him within a few hours of seeing him.  He's a Pomeranian.  I've had him for 3 years, and we estimate he is 10-12 now.  He's losing his hearing and his eyes are getting cloudy.

The plan is to try to keep treating the symptoms and to keep him comfortable as long as Daffy is enjoying life.  The doctor said he was not ready to give up yet, but I know the time is coming.  The current medicine has pepped him up quite a bit and he has his appetite and energy back which is very good to see.  My family, and especially my husband and I, are enjoying this extra time with him.  We know it won't last forever and we will be ready to let him go when the time comes.

Daffy

I haven't been updating much because I've been working in the studio every spare minute to get ready for my turn as the featured artist at the gallery where my work is.  I just finished setting up all my artwork in the window and everybody tells me it looks great.  Hopefully it will sell some jewelry and stuff. 

doing the work was pretty challenging because I was fighting the limitations of my body, particularly at the end when I was trying to steal time anywhere to get the work finished.  I found that I couldn't work the way I used to, where I would sit all day at the table dabbling in clay.  Now I can only sit at the table for a few hours and then I have to lie down or at least move to an easy chair.  If I wasn't using a special back chair (the kind you sort of kneel in) I wouldn't be able to do it at all.  The back chair gives me lots of mobility from my hips up, so I can turn and reach things without getting up or straining my upper body.

As I've been working I've been gradually cleaning out and organizing my studio so it is a better place to work.  I haven't really done much work in the studio in the last couple of years, so it is good to finally start getting use of the room for what we bought it for. (My studio is a FROG that we had to pay extra for...something my hubby reminds me of from time to time.

Today I am full of creativity.  I've sketched out several bracelet designs today and now I can go into development for them.  It's a long way from sketch to finished bracelet, but I am working on my creativity.   First, I meditate, then I sketch, then I get to work.  I'm going to try to do this every day, and just see how much I can trick my broken body into getting something done.    Here's today's sketch.  All rights reserved.

Keybracelet

Something in real life has been bothering me quite a bit lately.  A cooperative I'm involved in is having another bit of ugliness.  One person is spreading rumors and putting down the work of a new member.  I'm the membership chairperson, trying to allay fears about the quality of the work and to find out what the new member had seen.  It has been very stressful and depressing for me. 

Many times in my life I've been completely blindsided by gossip.  I'll hear statements like "Stop the gossiping, now!" in some group I am part of, such as my sorority, and I'll think "What gossip?"  Eventually I find out that the gossip is about me.

If there's one thing I could point to as a reason I withdraw from people and don't trust people it is this.  I've been hurt too many times by people I thought were my friends, my community, etc.

This time the gossip is not focused on me, but it still depresses me.  Why do grown men and women have to act so childishly?  Why pass around untruths and half-truths to cast aside people in your group? 

This mixture of lies and gossip is toxic.  You can't sling that stuff around without damaging yourself along the way.

The big project I've been working on since September is finally finished.  The last of the artists have packed up and gone home.  It seems to have been pretty successful for everyone. 

I should feel relieved, but I'm so tired that it is hard to focus.  Yesterday I was a little depressed.  I've been the point of contact for all these artists for months, so my phone and email was busy all the time, especially the last few months.  Now the phone is quiet and the emails are infrequent.  There's always a letdown after the show is over, at least for me.

I will make myself look on the positive, though.  I will have more time to work on what I want to work on, without having to constantly feel that I am a week or more behind schedule.  (Well, that might not change....I'm still me.)  I have a feature coming up at a gallery that I'm in, so I need to make a lot more work and come up with a theme for my feature.  I'll take a couple of days to rest, and then I need to start working on that.  It will be fun to have my major job be working on my art for a change.  It doesn't pay as well, but there are other compensations.

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