2 posts tagged “disability”

The last few days I have been dealing with just crushing fatigue.  At times I just can't keep my eyes open.  I often have this problem after I work at the gallery  This weekend I had early and long meetings on Saturday and Sunday that took a lot out of me.  After the Saturday meeting ended (about 4 pm by the time I got home), I just slept.  I awakened only occasionally until Sunday morning, when I had to go to another, less formal meeting.  After that meeting I was tired again and had to sleep most of Sunday afternoon and evening.  The problem lasted though Monday when I also had bad headaches and stomach pain.  (This last was probably from eating food that didn't agree with me.)  Here it is Tuesday afternoon and I'm still having headaches and fatigue.

My husband is rather perturbed at this.  I can't really blame him, but he doesn't seem to understand that I can't help it.  He stays up all the time and sleeps very little.  He suffers for it, but he doesn't understand that I can no longer push myself beyond where my body wants to go.  If I do, it will fight back and it will almost always win. 

Do I miss the days when I could just push through and get by with little rest?  Of course I do, but I don't dwell on it, because I can't have it back.  If there's anybody who fights the envelope it's me, so if I have given up, it is because I know I can't win. 

I know my husband is just expressing his frustration, but it hurts me that he thinks I'm lazy.  I don't choose to live this way.  It is just that I've banged my head against this door long enough to know that I'm just giving myself a headache.  That doesn't get me anywhere.  I may as well rest when I need to and concentrate on other battles that I can have some hope of winning.

One last thing.  Although I'm frustrated about my husband's attitude, I don't blame him.  It is hard to be continually supportive, especially when the responsibilities fall on you.  I sometimes feel the same way when the tables are turned.  I'm just expressing my frustration...something I think many of you share.

I guess.  I've been thinking about doing something like this for a while now, and I just got a new phone and decided to start here and now.  What does a phone have to do with a blog?  Well, I can update the blog by phone so I won't be so limited about when I can add.  Sometimes I just have to stop and lie down and it can be so boring!

Some people have the opinion that when people lie down they are being lazy.  Have you ever tried to lie down on purpose and just be lazy?  I'm not good at it.  I'm too much of a type A personality, I guess.  I didn't even do well taking naps as a child.  Lying down, flat on my back, is not my idea of a good time.  I can't read  (can't hold the book), there often isn't anything on TV worth watching, etc.   If I hadn't discovered podcasting, I don't know how I would manage. 

Now, podcasts of all kinds come to my IPOD regularly and I have something to listen or watch to every day.  Book, short stories, news and opinion pieces are my entertainment.  Feeding my mind during my downtime feels so much better than just lying there.  And any distraction helps keep my mind off the pain.

It's late and I should be off to bed.  I got a little work done in the studio today.  Not as much as I had planned, but then I never do. 

Tonight's podcasts:  This American Life,